Back to work

Going back to work was NOTHING like I thought it would be. My head was filled with images of me sobbing all the way to work, arriving with red eyes and puffy skin. I imagined sitting at my desk, thinking about my little man and wondering all day long if he was ok.

Instead, I arrived at work to pure excitement (well from my co-workers, not so much from me). Everyone was SO happy to see me. I was greeted with huge hugs and of course everyone wanted to see pictures of Trey. I had brought both a little photo album and of course I had a 375,000 photos on my phone ;)

My first day back was Tuesday. Jim dropped Trey off at Sara's and I headed to work. Of course I missed him; hes' the most precious thing in my world, but it felt GREAT to be back at work. In our meeting, everyone gave me big hugs and wanted to ask how the baby was and whatnot. It was such a good feeling to know I was missed when I was gone.

 I would love to be home with him everyday, who wouldn't? But, when I think about the pros of both Jim and I working to be able to live the life that we are used to while providing whats best for our son, I know I made the right decision. SO many moms that I know have struggled with going back to work after having their children, and I finally understand their struggle. I always felt for them and thought it was tough, but now I KNOW how hard it truly is. No matter how much you love your job, you love your #1 job as a mommy so much more!

I am extremely lucky that I work close to home (about 10 minutes away). I also have set hours and usually do not work longer days than expected. I get to spend about 3 hours with him in the morning before dropping him off then about 5-6 hours in the evening before bedtime. Although I terribly miss being with him all day, I do still feel as if we get good quality time together.

Being apart also makes our time together more precious. I no longer get enthralled in a TV show while nursing or rocking him. Instead, I keep myself in the moment. I focus on his little face, rub his head, hold his hand, just soak in all that precious baby smell. I also let him sleep on me a lot more- whenever he falls asleep after nursing, I hold on to him a little longer and a little tighter, letting him snooze on my chest or in my lap. 

It probably also helps that we have a good friend of ours who is watching him. She is a SAHM with her youngest still home with her. I think God EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. that she decided she wanted to keep an infant and that she decided she wanted to keep OURS! We are blessed beyond reason that we have someone like her watching our baby each and every day for us. 

In 4 short days, she fell in love with him. Every day when I would pick him up, he would be just SO happy. She dotes on him and when her kiddos get home from school, Trey is their center of attention. It didn't take her very long to figure him out and they really had an easy "adjustment" period that first week. Sara said he has been doing wonderfully with bottles. She said he already can tell when she is warming up a bottle and calms down when he hears the water running in the sink! He also tried to latch on to her cheek one day, unfortunately he did not get any food from there! :)

I can tell already, they will have an amazing bond. Trey loves being at her house too, although I can tell he misses me. He usually wants to nurse either right when I pick him up or soon after getting home. Sometimes he is hungry, sometimes I think it's for comfort, but either way, this Mommy doesn't care. He has integrated himself right into their little daily routine. He rides with her on MWF to drop off and pick up her youngest from "school", he hangs out and plays on his little play-mat, naps like a champ, takes bottles from her with ease and he laughs hysterically at her kids. 

All in all, I miss him SO MUCH during the day. My days have been flying by, which really helps. I absolutely cannot wait for 4:30 to get here each day so I can go and scoop up my little love bug. Daddy gets home later in the evening, so that also means we get in a good couple hours of snuggle-time before I have to share with Daddy :) Most days, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning when I am going to pick him up. When I get there, he recognizes my voice immediately and his little face lights up. Then, my heart melts and we rinse and repeat everyday...

Being back at work has brought a new challenge with breastfeeding. I have been pumping twice a day at work and once at home and have (so far) been able to keep up with what he drinks while at Sara's house. He takes two 3-4 ounce bottles then usually one 5 ounce bottle daily. He sometimes has another little snack in there of about 2 ounces. Which, if he eats on the higher end of those ranges (which he doesn't usually do) gives him 15 ounces a day with her. I have been able to pump 12-15 ounces at work plus another 5 at home  for 17-20 ounces a day which meets his needs for being away from me during the day AND gives Sara a little extra cushion every day. 

She also has a frozen stash in her freezer for backup and had to break into it once last week (I think he was going through a little growth spurt because after increasing his intake for 2 days he slept almost the whole next day). I have learned with him, this is what happens with his growth spurts. 

Thank goodness I share my office with one other person, who is completely understanding and supportive in my breastfeeding venture. Lesli will go downstairs and see patients or chart while I pump and I will let her know when I am done. I have also found that pumping around the same time each day helps me to stay on schedule. (Thank you to Betsy for that recommendation!!!!) 

We also have a mini fridge in our office which makes milk storage a piece of cake. 

So to wrap up, my first week back was a HUGE success. Of course there will be some growing pains and I know that I will miss him more on some days than others. There was a time each day last week where I got teary at just the thought of him, but believe it or not, getting text updates and pictures from Sara really helped me. I also have about 10 photos of him up in my office that I look at whenever I am in there. 

I  know we will still have rough days, but I am thankful that the initial separation is over. Hopefully, it will only get better from here!